Upbringing is a systematic purposeful impact on the child of adult family members and family structure. The main and general task of upbringing is preparing children for life in existing social conditions; narrower, more specific - the assimilation of knowledge, skills and abilities necessary for the normal formation of personality in a family.
The goals and means of education are determined by the socio-economic system, the level of cultural development; family education is usually built on the basis of ideology, morality and the system of relationships of the social stratum to which the family belongs.
Family upbringing is inextricably linked with the self-upbringing of adults, the formation of their qualities and character traits that provide an effective pedagogical influence on children.
It's okay if you lightly spank the child or give him a slap on the head: not painful and effective. No one has ever been able to teach anything through physical punishment. With the help of it one can only suppress, force, but not teach. By the way, in the end, children prefer to get a couple of spanks than listen to the endless screams of their parents, reproaches and grumblings. So this is just a situation where one stupidity replaces another, without giving a result. Constant physical punishment suppresses activity, contributes to the development of neuroses and fears, and threatens physical and mental development. Moreover, it is unacceptable to give a slap on the head or otherwise influence the head, which is responsible for a person's thinking. If you have already decided to threaten the child, then your weapon should not be a belt, but something funny and harmless, for example, pants, a bag, etc.
You need to constantly praise the child. Let us recall the words of Paracelsus: "Everything is poison and all medicine, the difference is only in the dose." The effect of praise is like a drug: the more you praise, the more you want to be praised. If a child is not distinguished by great talents, and he is praised from childhood, highlighting even those features that he does not possess, or does not possess enough, then this can lead to dire consequences in adolescence and older. It is scary to understand that everything that was told to you is a lie!
So it's worth remembering:
- do not praise children for what is not achieved by their own labor;
- no need to praise natural abilities and qualities: intelligence, talent, beauty, strength, health, etc.;
- do not praise what was given easily - good grades at school, obtained without much difficulty, things, toys, fearless actions on the verge of stupidity;
- do not praise the same thing several times.
But there is a main rule: if you don't know to praise or not, then be sure to praise!
Do not show your love for children often - it will harm them. Parental love for children is essential. Do not restrain your feelings if the child accepts them: hug him, caress him. It will not wane from you, and your warmth and affection will warm his heart, bring peace to his soul. Love is not an appreciation. To love does not mean to praise. To love is, first of all, to create an aura of protection and understanding. When showing love for the younger, do not forget about the elders: the age of children is not important, love should be for everyone, without exception, and it requires tactful expression.
Without constant supervision and severity from the parents, the child will disband and enter bad companies, gangster groups. Paradoxically, children from good families often end up in such organizations, and the reason, as a rule, is excessive strictness, limits, and constant control. Without noticing it, the parents enslave the child. Do not be surprised that these children are prone to violence - their parents taught them. Forced to submit to the authority of adults, obeying, without the right to make decisions for themselves, standing in corners for the slightest offense, they have already experienced moral violence on themselves and will now bring it into the world in a perverted form.
A child thinks and perceives the world in the same way as an adult. The child does not yet know how to be rational. He feels this world and is not yet spoiled by life. Adults are pushed by some "serious impulses" to act, and the child acts on an instant impulse and desire. This is why children are so unpredictable. An adult is an already formed person with his own well-established character and morality. The child is confused all the time, cannot deal with desires and feelings. It is very difficult for him to understand adults. A child cannot think like a big person, he thinks in his own way, in a different way. He is not worse than us and in no way more stupid, he is just different. We must accept this and to improve relations we must try to understand it.
It is easier for a child - his world is small and limited. Remember yourself: in childhood, the houses were tall, the trees were large, the nights were full of horror stories, condensed milk and sweets were sweeter, and grandmother's village was an unknown country. With age, the world of children seems small and insignificant. Children have a different space and a different time. For them, their small world is a whole universe. They find it difficult in it, and even adults create a lot of problems: they do not understand why the child is standing in the middle of a puddle (yes, this is the sea ...), why he swears (and these words were said to each other in the morning ...), why climbed a tall tree (with he can be seen better, or maybe it's a ship's mast or headquarters ...). So it is not his world that is narrow, and your understanding of his world is limited.
A child lives on earth thanks to his parents and is obliged to obey them. Sorry to be rude, but he did not ask you to give birth to him. His birth should have been a joy to you. Therefore, it is worth taking as a basis the fact that he is as full a citizen on earth as you are. He does not live for you or because of you. He lives next to you. You must help him to become, since you are responsible for him. If he depends on you materially (this is the law of life), then this does not mean that he should obey you. Any child wants to live his own mind and strength. If you want a good relationship - learn to manage your child unobtrusively, help him to get on his feet and release at the right time.
You cannot praise a child in advance. It is possible and even necessary. This method even has a name in pedagogical practice: anticipatory approval. Its main principle is to tell the child: "You can do it!" The child should be told that he is better, stronger, smarter, kinder than he seems. Wake your child up in the morning and praise him right away. "Get up, Count, great things await you!" - this is how the servant of the famous French philosopher Saint-Simon woke up. Morning will lay a positive impulse for the whole day and will help to withstand all failures with honor. And do not forget to praise at night, let the child fall asleep with thoughts of good and with a feeling of your love for him.
For the purpose of education, it is necessary to force children to eat everything while eating. But this is just dangerous. Food abuse is not only a moral blow to a child, but also physical harm to the body. If you want the child to finish everything - put him some. If he is not full, he will ask for more. If the whole portion does not fit into him, this is not his fault. The child does not want to eat, which means he is not hungry. He's not a brute, you don't need to feed him. But at the same time, it is very important that the child has a daily routine, and a certain time is allocated for food, when the whole family gathers at the table. Children themselves get used to this rhythm and there will be no problems with food.
We need to force children to learn, even if they don't want to. The child, of course, is forced to remember everything that you stuff into him. But know: knowledge gained under pressure is usually not absorbed. Many children, after graduating from music school and becoming adults, do not even pick up an instrument. Forcibly jagged knowledge will fly out of the child's memory very quickly - this is the paradox of short-term memory. If you want the child to really learn, then you need to interest him, create a feeling of joy from the knowledge and experience gained. Then he himself will begin to absorb knowledge like a sponge, and you will only have to create the appropriate conditions for this.