Today, you rarely see a large family. In society, stereotypes about large families are formed, they are most often considered unfavorable.
Children, on the other hand, look like a kind of parental tool that allows them to receive additional benefits and benefits. In our country, such families do occur, but one should not count among them all parents with many children who really serve for the good of society. These families are not easy - it is not enough to build good relations between parents and children, the kids themselves must still be friends with each other.
Such concepts as friendship, mutual assistance, respect, agreement come to the fore. And parents have to think more about the material aspects, however, these nuances are still exaggerated in the eyes of others. Society forms its attitude towards families with many children on the basis of myths that we will debunk.
Many children usually appear in dysfunctional families. There are indeed a lot of dysfunctional families in Russia. But even social workers can not always objectively use this term, ordinary people, even more so. For some, families whose income is below a certain level are dysfunctional, others require that drinking parents be included in the “black list”, and still others refer to people as outcasts only on the basis of physiognomy. The line between a dysfunctional and a normal family is very thin, sometimes it is not even possible to see it from the outside. Indeed, there are families where children grow up in unsanitary conditions, where teachers do not take care of them, and there is violence. But this happens not only in large families, but also in small ones. Having many children can exacerbate problems in dysfunctional families. It is more difficult for them to remain unnoticed, the focus of social services is directed at such families in the first place.
Having many children means being irresponsible. This question has a philosophical basis. But isn't it more irresponsible to terminate a pregnancy and kill an unborn child than giving birth to a fifth or tenth child? Is it better to give the child the opportunity to live in his own room or to be a loving father, at the expense of his personal life? Some choose constant financial dependence on their husband, while others believe that let the child be alone, but it will be possible to load him with toys. In each situation, the family must make its own choice. If a couple is determined to create a strong relationship and feels that their strength and love is not enough for one or two children, but for many, then is this not worthy of respect? There is also an interesting observation that successful children are more likely to grow up in families with many brothers and sisters, even with a single father or mother, than in those where parents are coming, and the child grows up alone or among half-brothers and sisters.
Families with many children only breed poverty. Being poor is very scary. Unfortunately, many families, including large families, live in a state of chronic shortage of funds. Most often, this phenomenon is observed in the outback, where child benefits are turning into the main source of income for families. Few of us are sure of tomorrow, let alone the day after tomorrow. Who knows when the next crisis will come, how much our profession will be in demand, whether there will be an earthquake or tsunami, whether a war will start? We cannot even be sure that on the street we will not suddenly faint. So how can we be sure that someone near us is breeding poverty? Yes, such children can simply wear the things of their older brothers and sisters and they do not go abroad to rest. And their English is not very good, because their parents do not have money for tutors. These children may be left without higher education, and the boys go to serve in the army. But why should this mean that these children are less happy than growing up in wealthy families? In families with many children, the financial issue is indeed more acute than in ordinary ones. Parents often have to think about money. In such cases, fathers with many children have to work harder, mothers - to save, and children - to try to study well. They should understand that in life they will most likely have to rely only on their knowledge. But does all this apply only to large families? And what's wrong if parents are trying their best to provide decent conditions for their children?
Those who grew up in large families try to have one or two children, remembering their childhood with horror. Sometimes it really happens. On the other hand, people who grew up next to an alcoholic father categorically cannot stand drinking. Those whose mothers constantly nagged their husbands try not to get married. Children feel bad in any family where there is an unhealthy atmosphere or there are imbalances in upbringing. Only the number of brothers or sisters influences this last.
In a classic large family, the mother looks like a tired woman who no longer cares about herself, and the father looks like an unhappy tired man, gritting his teeth, enduring everything. Some need a large family, while others do not. Everyone has his own path. There are no typical parents with many children, they are exactly the same as other men and women. Some manage to take care of themselves more, and others less. New children in the family do not worsen relations, but only renew them. The secret lies in the fact that people creating large families try to live peacefully, they do not have the opportunity to swear and get irritated, they have to help each other. If the couple doesn't try, then none of this will work. And those who seek to preserve their family will be able to preserve the spark of love. There is no escape from fatigue, children require moral and physical strength. On the other hand, they energize their parents. In large families, sometimes a wonderful effect of the accumulation of strength is observed. There are examples when adults, with 3-4 children, manage to keep pets while working. And yet they look great, fresh and fun. Such situations are generally atypical, but not at all unique. Moreover, Russian women are famous for their ability to overcome difficulties.
In a large family, it will not be possible to raise children normally. It seems that parents simply do not have enough energy and time to raise several children at once. This is not entirely true. In life, we always devote our time to what is important to us and what brings satisfaction. There are people who are really interested in spending time with children, raising them. These are found in small families and in large ones. Both well-bred and ill-bred children are found in families of very different composition. It often happens that a child growing up alone grows up spoiled.
The more children there are, the easier it is with them. In a sense, this is true. Having already gained some experience with the previous child, it is easier to raise a new one. But for a mother, having many children is not an easy job, which is not always appreciated by society. In a home with many children, clutter is almost instantaneous. Cooking for such a crowd is difficult and long. But everyday life, although not easy, is still real. The main fears of a mother with many children are usually associated not with this, but with the offspring themselves. In the process of turning children into young men, adults will have to spend a lot of nerves and try not to spoil the relationship, remaining friends. Each child has his own age crisis, there are personal difficulties and problems, which, moreover, are superimposed on character traits.
In families with many children, children do not grow up to be selfish. In a family with many children, the soil for the development of selfishness is no worse than in others. There are many examples of more successful brothers and sisters around the child, and envy will feed the personal ego. You can be jealous of your parents, feel offended because of the lack of personal belongings and space. Much depends on the parents - can they teach their children to take care of others, think about others, worry about them? If dad and mom really think about the relationship between children, then they can teach them everything they need. But again it is worth emphasizing that the number of children does not matter here.
In families with many children, children lack attention and affection. Someone thinks that many children in a family are practically akin to orphanhood. But in this case, each child has his own interests, his own character and views. It helps to connect and interact with brothers or sisters. Children from an early age find themselves in a kind of society, which teaches them to be guided not only by their own interests, but also by others. Children in such families really do not get as much attention as in others. But is that bad? If you protect the child from contact with the outside world, then he will grow up as an unadapted egoist, who wants everything to revolve around him alone.
A large number of children means huge costs. It is quite logical that spending on raising three or more children is higher than on one. However, there is no direct geometric dependence here. If there is a small age difference between children, then things, books and toys from older children go to younger ones. It is a practice that younger children wear their clothes after older children. Until the age of 8, children grow faster than their clothes have time to fray and tear. This also teaches children to appreciate the work of their parents and to take care of the acquired things. After all, it is impossible to get something just from your own whim and not take into account the interests of your brothers or sisters.
Parents will have to forget about free time. The larger the family, the more you have to pay attention to it. But it is worth understanding that when three or more children grow up in it, this is a different situation than one child who constantly requires attention to itself. In large families, there is an important factor - children can keep themselves occupied. When there is one or two children in the family, they need the attention of adults, they want to play or just be close to a loved one. And when there are three or more children, they can come up with a joint game. There may be problems, because there will always be rivalry and competition among children for the attention of parents and just in front of each other. However, these are already the usual moments of education. When a mother with many children reaches school age, she already receives "windows" of time. There is when to take care of yourself, work, your hobby. By the way, it may well become an additional source of income. Today, you can earn money from design, handicrafts, writing, while at home and using the Internet.
Better to give birth to one child and devote your life to him. There are different opinions on this matter. It is often believed that it is better to have one child, but to give him all the best in material terms, surrounding him with maximum love and care. But who will grow out of a child who is a "ray of light" for parents? Such a child is a real investment fund for dad and mom. When a second child appears a few years later, it may turn out that the first has become a real egoist, who does not want to share the attention of adults with anyone. But this is how the baby manifests itself. What will happen to him next? We can only assume that this person will grow up tough and pursuing only his own interests. With such it is very difficult in family relationships, the child seems to them a creature that pulls attention from themselves. It is doubly difficult when it comes to a man. In a woman, a banal maternal instinct can enter into force, and egoism is transformed, the mother wants to have many children. But men don't have that feeling. This means that the head of the family, accustomed to increased attention, will hardly make "sacrifices" for the sake of his children. He will perceive his wife as personal property. And he is not obliged to share it with anyone, even with children. In large families, compromises are constantly being formed. First you have to share toys, then you have to resolve disputes, not by fighting, but by words. This is how children subconsciously prepare for adulthood. There, in society, selfishness and selfishness will become a barrier to success.
Parents will love their children in different ways, some more and some less. Can a mother's heart love some of her children less than others? Rather, an adult will lack attention and warmth to himself than to his child. The truth is that they are loved by everyone in their own way, not for something, but in spite of. Mothers go to bed thinking about their children and wake up the same way. The moments of the birth of each child are unforgettable! And how can you separate children, they are one whole. And it is certainly impossible to quantify love and identify in the case of which child it is more or less.
Large families live at the expense of the state. It is a mistake to think that you can get rich at the expense of children. In our country, without the status of a “low-income family”, such children can only count on a free lunch at school, a preferential treatment for admission to a kindergarten, in theory they give out land plots somewhere. The rest is at your own expense. This also applies to food, utility bills, study and recreation. But parents know what they have to face. They give birth not for the sake of money, using only what they should. Each new child is an additional incentive to develop and earn even more so that children do not need anything.
Many children are very difficult. It is really hard for adults in a large family. Mothers have to spin like a squirrel in a wheel. But even with one child it is not easy. If there are three kids, the time must be clearly planned in order to do everything. And the older the children are, the easier it is with them, they quickly learn to be independent. When a mother is having a hard time, she is empowered by the thought of how the children will grow up and will be rewarded with numerous grandchildren. And even after the death of their parents, children will never be left alone - in life they will always have reliable support in the form of brothers or sisters. When there are many children, one should speak not about severity, but about great responsibility to them. It is necessary to raise and educate not one, but several people. In Russia, only 6-9% of families with many children, it is obvious that few decide to take such a step. But each new child for parents is an additional stimulus for growth. One has only to want, and they will definitely get everything they need. Parents will feel the love of their children multiplied many times over. The house will become a real full bowl. Each child is a new education for parents: medical, psychological, pedagogical. It remains only to wish parents patience and honors degrees in these disciplines.